I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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