Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
