She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
