I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
