I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
