I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
