guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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