My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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