last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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