it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
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