i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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