There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
