Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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