So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
