Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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