Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
