I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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