Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Randomize