so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
