I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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