mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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