How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
