I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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