you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
