You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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