You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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