I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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