I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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