margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
