If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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