The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
