I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
