I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
