I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
