The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
