That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
