I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
