she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize