Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
