well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
