Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
