So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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