Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
