Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
