I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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