Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
