I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
