I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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