Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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