I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
