now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
