Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
