I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
