I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
