ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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