I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
