I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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