so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
