on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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