Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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