$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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