White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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