Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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