the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
