How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
