I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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