i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I understand Curling. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize