Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
