He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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