8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
