Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Randomize
