she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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