you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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