If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
