Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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