his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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